BUSINESS: Freelance graphic designer — brand identity and logo design TARGET CUSTOMER: Small business owners and startups PAGE GOAL: Build trust and get visitors to book a discovery call OVERALL ABOUT PAGE SCORE ████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ Score: 18/100 Status: LOSING VISITORS SECTION SCORES (each out of 20) Opening and First Impression: ██░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 2/20 — "Hi, I'm Sarah, I'm a graphic designer" answers none of the visitor's actual questions. Story and Credibility: ████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 4/20 — 8 years experience is mentioned but there are no clients named, results cited, or work referenced. Customer Focus: ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 0/20 — The page contains zero sentences about the customer's situation, problem, or goal. Personality and Differentiation: ████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 4/20 — Dogs and hiking are personal but not brand-relevant. "Creative, reliable, and easy to work with" describes every designer. Call to Action: ████████░░░░░░░░░░░░ 8/20 — "Get in touch today" exists but is vague and low-urgency. OPENING LINE AUDIT Current opening: "Hi, I'm Sarah. I'm a graphic designer based in Austin, Texas." Problem: This opening is about Sarah, not the visitor. A startup founder landing on this page wants to know within two seconds whether Sarah can solve their specific problem. "I'm a graphic designer based in Austin" tells them nothing about what she does for them or why she is the right choice. Stronger opening: You have 7 seconds to make a first impression — in business, that impression is usually visual. I help founders and small business owners build brand identities that make them look like they have been doing this for a decade, even if they launched last month. STORY AND CREDIBILITY GAP Present: 8 years of experience, university degree mentioned implicitly, "many different industries" Missing: 1. No client names, industries, or recognisable logos — "many different industries" is vague; naming 2-3 specific sectors would immediately build relevance for the right visitor. 2. No results — "helped businesses stand out" is an outcome claim with no evidence. Even one specific result would transform the credibility of this page. 3. No social proof — no testimonials referenced, no review count, no portfolio mention above the fold. CUSTOMER FOCUS CHECK Strongest customer-focused sentence: None exists. The page contains zero references to the customer's situation, challenge, or goal. Addition that would make the customer feel seen: "Most small business owners come to me at a specific moment — they have been using a logo their nephew made in Canva, and they are about to pitch a bigger client or launch a new product. They know they need to look more professional, but they are not sure where to start or how much to spend. That is exactly the conversation I am set up for." CRITICAL ISSUES (Fix These First) Issue 1: THE ENTIRE PAGE IS ABOUT SARAH, NOT THE CUSTOMER Problem: Every sentence on this page describes Sarah — her location, her education, her hobbies, her personality. The visitor wants to know: can this person understand my business? Can they make me look credible? None of those questions are answered. Fix: Restructure the page with a simple formula: open with the customer's situation, then show how Sarah solves it, then introduce Sarah as the credible person behind the solution. The customer comes first. Impact: High Issue 2: CREATIVE, RELIABLE, AND EASY TO WORK WITH ARE THE THREE MOST COMMON DESIGNER CLAIMS Problem: Every designer's About page ends with some version of these three claims. They have lost all meaning because every competitor says the same thing. Fix: Replace with a specific proof statement. "I turn around first concepts within 5 business days and every project includes two full revision rounds — no surprise invoices for extra changes, no six-week wait for a logo." That is specific, differentiating, and reassuring. Impact: High PERSONALITY AND VOICE ASSESSMENT Current personality: Warm and approachable but entirely generic. The dogs and hiking details add humanity but no brand relevance. What is missing: A point of view. Does Sarah have a design philosophy? An opinion about what makes a good brand? Any of these would create a distinct voice. Rewrite suggestion: "I believe most small businesses are over-designed — too many fonts, too many colours, too many elements competing for attention. My work tends toward the simple and the specific: one clear idea, executed well. Clients often tell me their new brand feels like them, not like a brand. That is the goal." CTA AUDIT Current CTA: "If you are looking for a designer who is creative, reliable, and easy to work with, I would love to hear from you. Get in touch today!" Effectiveness: Low urgency, generic qualifier, and no specific mechanism. "Get in touch" could mean email, phone, form, or carrier pigeon. Stronger CTA: If you are launching something new or ready to look more professional, I offer a free 20-minute brand clarity call — no pitch, just a conversation about what you are building and whether I am the right fit. Book yours here. AUDIT COMPLETE - About Page Auditor v1.0