Standup Comedy Material

Opener: "Hey, what’s up, folks! How y’all doin' tonight? Ready to laugh or what? (Pause for audience response) So, I’ve been thinkin’ a lot about being brokenhearted. You ever notice how heartbreak is basically life’s way of saying, ‘Hey, let’s take all your emotions, put them in a blender, and see what happens!’ It’s like, who came up with that? It’s like they just decided, ‘You know what? Let’s make people cry over ice cream at 3 a.m. and listen to sad songs on repeat!’ I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a bad reality show, but there’s no prize at the end—just tissues and empty pizza boxes." Main Story (Set-up): "So, the other day, I decided to get over my heartbreak by doing something bold. You know, tryin' to be adventurous! I thought, ‘This is gonna be great! I’ll go out, meet new people, forget all about it.’ But as soon as I got out there, it was like, ‘Oh no, this ain’t it.’ I ended up sitting in a coffee shop, staring at my phone, scrolling through my ex’s Instagram like, ‘Why do they look so happy? Am I the only one who aged five years in two weeks?’ I had to write in my journal like, ‘Today, I thought I was the hero of my own love story, but turns out, I’m just the sad montage scene.’" Detailed Observations: "Have y’all ever done something expecting one outcome, but ended up like... seriously? Like, I thought I was about to have this whole ‘new me’ glow-up moment after the breakup. Nope, it turned into me eating ramen in bed and binge-watching ‘The Notebook’... again. You know that moment in a horror movie when the dumb one goes into the basement and you’re like, ‘Don’t do it!’ but they do it anyway? Yeah, that was me every time I decided to text my ex back. Why do we even do these things to ourselves? I was out here thinking, ‘This time will be different,’ but no—it’s the same script, different sad snack." Deeper Observations (Building up): "After that, I started noticing more ridiculous things about being brokenhearted. It’s like you suddenly become a professional over-thinker! ‘Oh, they didn’t reply to my text in two minutes? Must mean they’ve moved on and found the love of their life already.’ It’s like, ‘Calm down, they’re just at work!’ But nope, your brain goes into full-on dramatic mode. It’s like when you’re rushing, and boom—flat tire. Have you ever tried to look cool while changing a flat tire on the side of the road? Impossible! One time, I tried going to the gym to get over my ex, thinking I’d look all fierce and strong, but instead, I ended up crying on the treadmill while listening to Adele. People were staring at me like, ‘Umm, are you... okay? Or is this part of your workout?’" Punchline: "And in the end, I realized... being brokenhearted is like being stuck in a never-ending game of Jenga. You’re trying to hold it together, but one wrong move and everything comes crashing down. You ever compare two things and think, ‘Which one’s worse?’ Like, would I rather sit through another breakup or go on a blind date with someone who only talks about their cat for two hours? Honestly, I’d take the breakup—at least with that, you know what you’re getting." Audience Interaction: "Okay, show of hands—who here has ever been brokenhearted? Oh, come on, I can’t be the only one out here with a ‘Breakup Playlist’ ready to go. Let me hear y’all! (Pause for responses, then react) See, that’s what I’m talking about! We’ve all been there, crying in the shower, pretending it’s a music video." Closer: "Look, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that being brokenhearted is just part of the deal. It’s like eating pizza that’s too hot—you know it’s gonna hurt, but you do it anyway. And life? It’s too short to be stressing over people who ghost you or give you ‘let’s just be friends’ speeches. You gotta laugh, because if you’re not laughin’, you’re cryin’. And trust me, I’d rather cry over a good rom-com than over someone who doesn’t even know how to text back properly. Thanks, y’all! You’ve been amazing!" This routine brings a relatable mix of heartbreak and humor, turning the universal experience of being brokenhearted into something everyone can laugh about. How does this feel for your material?