Standup Ai- Comedy That Hits

Alright, let’s talk about online dating profiles for a second. Because, let’s face it, online dating is like shopping for a life partner on Amazon—except instead of free returns, you’re stuck with a "Maybe I'll just order Chinese food tonight" vibe. So, first off, you have to write your profile. The pressure is unreal. It’s like writing a college essay about yourself, but instead of an A+, you get ghosted. “Tell us about yourself,” they say. What do you even say? "I’m funny... and also, I have a decent Wi-Fi connection." That’s it. You’ve just summed up your whole existence in a Wi-Fi bar. Then there’s the photos. Oh, the photos. You get these guys who look like they just stepped out of a GQ magazine, right? And you’re like, "Oh, this guy’s perfect! Oh wait, is that a Lamborghini in the background?" That’s not his car. He probably works at the DMV, but sure, let’s pretend that car is his and not just a prop he found on Google. Ladies, you know the deal. You’ve got that one friend who posts the most mystical, artsy pictures—her holding a coffee cup, but it’s always just slightly out of focus. And I’m over here like, “Girl, is that a cup of coffee, or are you about to reveal a magic trick?” What’s with the ambiguity? Like, just drink the coffee, not be the coffee. And then there’s the bio section. It’s a *highlight reel* of your personality. People are out here like, “Adventurous, spontaneous, love traveling, I’ve been to three continents!” Meanwhile, their last three vacations were to their cousin’s wedding, a hotel room in Vegas, and a trip to the DMV for passport photos. Let’s be real. Oh, and don’t get me started on the hobbies. Everyone’s got a hobby, right? You’ll see someone say, “I love hiking, biking, and cooking gourmet meals!” And I’m over here like, “No, you don’t. Your idea of gourmet is a frozen pizza with extra cheese. And you went hiking once… to the mall parking lot.” Let’s not pretend we’re all out here on a quest for the perfect hiking trail. The only trail you’re following is the one to your couch after work. Now, the real kicker? When you match with someone, and their first message is something like, “Hey, what’s your favorite food?” Like, buddy, if you can’t even make it past the icebreaker, how are we supposed to get to the part where we fight over the last slice of pizza? Get it together! But honestly, the best part of online dating? When you meet someone in person and they don’t look anything like their profile pictures. It’s like they were using a filter made by an actual magician. You meet them, and it’s like, “Oh, so *this* is what happens when the ‘best self’ is a *wishful thinking* photo.” Like, where’s the real you? Are you hiding behind a cloud filter? In conclusion, online dating is a bit like playing the lottery. You might get lucky, or you might end up with a person who insists their favorite hobby is “long walks to the fridge.” But hey, either way, at least you get some good stories to tell at dinner with friends... who are still *just* a text away. Thanks, folks! You’ve been great!